Pseudo-Bishop Exclave Agent Daniel Gilbert Stefan Gannon-Magomed Moneybanks is the tertiary antagonist of Why a Whale, who is a manipulative agent of the Exclave of White Supremacists, appearing as a pseudo-Bishop to superficially gain the respect of those around him.

Backstory / AppearanceEdit

Not much is known about the mysterious Daniel Moneybanks at first, until Vizit confronts him near the climax. Moneybanks was reportedly born in Des Moines, Iowa, to a thieving circus owner and the daughter of 'a member of the Egyptian government'. He appears to of had a promising career until the Exclave came into his life - having been raised to believe foreigners were really just "whites dropped at birth, raised by wolves, and taught corruption", Ron Clark welcomed Moneybanks into the Exclave by 'proving his worth' into showing his true American patriotism: devouring whole apple pies, getting home runs in baseball, reciting the Exclave doctrine by heart, and tear up at the national anthem. He became the tertiary leader of the Exclave, and became a fraudulent Bishop because he had a 'friend who knew a friend in the Secret Service who knew a guy in another town who knew a woman'.

Moneybanks is described at first, by Hans, as 'a wiry guy no more than five foot six'. He is said to have brown hair with shades of "salt-and-pepper gray" at many edges. Due to either his genetic makeup or possible malnutrition, Moneybanks is thin and has narrow features. He has a faint moustache, no beard, opiated eyes, and very muscular, as shown when he is able to hold two machine guns at once. Like Ron Clark, he has a vague tan, and bony fingers.


At first, Moneybanks portrays a kindly, personable exterior who cares for the four men when they request a place to stay for a day or two. However, once they "hurl a monkey wrench into the Exclave's plans", he shows his true colors, and is an excessively impulsive man and a ruthless one, for he makes the hasty idea to attack the men at the first chance he gets, and he deeply wounds Ima Doctah with little remorse or care afterwards. Even Ron Clark, who is proud of Moneybanks, admits that the man will act abruptly and stop thinking. Moneybanks doesn't seem to hide his annoyance at people, as shown when he spits at Vizit after she mocks him.

Moneybanks is able to lie and cheat effectively, gaining the trust of those around him, and is actually gutsy, unlike some of his cohorts in the Exclave. Moneybanks appears to genuinely care about the presence of the Exclave, but shows no compassion for anybody else, even whites.

Role in Why A WhaleEdit

Moneybanks is first introduced lighting candles and arranging the dinner table for Hans, Calvin, Avery, and Jom: he had graciously accepted them into his Church for a couple of nights, and presents a personable exterior to the four men. He dines with them, and appears to be very interested in what they are doing with Nessie, who has been terrorizing the West Coast. After dinner, he allows them to have a separate room in the back, but is suddenly caught scouring through Playboy magazines of Sarah Silverman by Jom. When asked about it, Moneybanks replies almost coyly, 'Even a celibate has to celebrate sometimes'.

Pizza Vampire approaches him two days later as he is writing a letter which Moneybanks tries to furtively hide; Pizza Vampire is clearly searching for the four men. Moneybanks denies knowing where they are, and this is true, as the four men had just left for an 'ominous place'. Trusting him immediately, Pizza Vampire bids him a good day and then leaves a secretive Moneybanks.

Moneybanks's return comes after the four men spend some time in Auburn, and a battle occurs between Pizza Vampire against the four men in what appears to be a forest of alpines. The Bishop actually seems to be watching this, and jumps in to stop the battle. In a sudden twist, Moneybanks barks at them and pulls, from his robes, two machine guns, lights two cigarettes, and accidentally drops a bottle of Manhattan. While everyone is recovering from the initial shock, Moneybanks reveals himself to actually be a high-ranking member of the Exclave, a secret movement, and he was sent here to spy on the four men's movements and put an end to their attempts to stop the whale. At first, Moneybanks has control over the situation and prepares to make a call to Ron Clark, on a PDA. In an action to save their lives, Ima Doctah grabs a vial of a harmless chemical from his lab coat, and chucks it at Moneybanks, with an audible impact and snarl. Impulsively, Moneybanks shoots Doctah hard enough to paralyze them from the waist down. Enraged, Jom and the other three men attack Moneybanks and he is knocked off a ridge onto a hollowed rock. Using his machine guns (despite his arms being hurt badly), he is able to keep the four men and the Pizza Vampire's policemen at bay, but he screams as he realizes Madam Hiss flies at him, and is unable to stop the fatal arc of Madam Hiss's mouth. He is bit in the neck and promptly poisoned and arrested.

He disappears until the climax, when three of the four men and Pizza Vampire are captured by his comrades of the Exclave, realizing that his threat had been compromised and that, with everything prepared, it was time to move on and proceed with their mission, without Moneybanks: capture the Whale and use it to destroy all foreign countries. Vizit walks into Moneybanks's cell, who is drawing a picture of him on a crusading Whale. Vizit states that she is there to find information about the Exclave's whereabouts. Moneybanks refuses to budge and rebukes her at every point, despite her having the stronger wit, and at one point chucks a frond of spit in her eye.

However, Moneybanks eventually breaks when the worst form of torture is threatened: that he will be subject to watch seventy-two straight hours of foreigners giving lectures or speeches. His racist and bigotted side giving in, he breaks, and confesses information about the Exclave: where they are, what their goal is. Gleefully thanking him, Vizit exits the cell. At the end of the story, it is revealed that Moneybanks is forced to endure the torture of four hundred years of community service: in Russia, with his comrade Ron Clark.

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